Falling From Grace
by Little Kunai
Summary: Konan reflects on her past with Pein, and her lover Deidara. Konan/Dei oneshot spoiler warnings. rated m for lemon and a little bit of cussing


**Falling From Grace**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Author's Notes: I hope neither was OOC,

and if they were please let me know.

_They thought we were together, but in truth we are cousins. Pein the younger and I the elder. Even though I faithfully follow his plans the way a good-natured dog follows it's young master, Pein has often emulated me in behavior, not the other way around as so many of the other Akatsuki believe. I remember when my cousin was born, everyone was shocked when we discovered he had the Rinnegan eye, a rare, recessive kekkai genkai in our family that came along in a very unpredictable pattern, and with good reason. Those who it came to were regarded as gods, with the power to create or destroy. _

_I think back too the days in Rain when we were children, in Rain children are allowed to be children. Pein and I had been reckless and wild and carefree. But the moment we enter the ninja academy the very first thing we are taught, is to put on these masks, cold, expressionless and as unyielding and relentless as the rain that fell on the lush, tropical forests of our homeland day after day. When we come home, we may take the masks off if we choose, but Pein's plans for himself, and our piercings an outward reflection of who he truly is, and, I had thought, who I once was inside. _

_But it's been so many years since I had let that reckless, carefree, girl come out to play that I swore she must be dead. Until I met him. Deidara. Akatsuki's wild-child. Even though he was forced here, he's still a free spirit. None of us can tame him, not even Sasori whom he grudgingly respects. He has long blonde hair, as golden as the rays of the sun that turn away the dark rain clouds. His eyes are the dark, crystalline-blue of a clear morning sky, and when I met him I felt the real me come back to life. Of course I retained my mask, even though I was trembling inside; with excitement, with desire, with hope._

_But I turned away from Deidara, and faithfully followed my cousin as the Angel of a God. For when the Rinnegan comes to someone in the family, the oldest sibling must become their Angel, and if there is none, then the oldest cousin must fulfill that role faithfully and obediently till their life's end. To defend them, to avenge them if they fall, to observe their every action and thought carefully, or if they chose to destroy instead of create, to obliterate them. Such were the tasks of the Angels of Rain. An inner order of the family whose secrets are only passed from Angel to Angel when the time comes. Pein knew I was his angel, the other's believed I was a mindless, obsessed slave who was madly in love with him. Neither suspected that I held the power to destroy him as quick as thought. _

_But it was Deidara I was obsessed with, so often my true self had longed to reach out and touch that golden hair, to kiss those smirking lips, to run my fingers over his hard, sleek body, to let myself loose and fuck him senseless until we both collapsed. Only when I was near him did I feel alive, truly alive. Perhaps someday I would. Even angels can fall from grace sometimes, and I am only human after all._

_I crept to his room one night, trembling inside and feeling wild and reckless despite my calm mask. Like a teenager doing something forbidden, if I had grown up as a civilian anyway. I was excited and a little frightened, knowing I was breaking all protocol in which a Rinnegan Angel must follow. But my family is dead, who were they to care? And Pein knows nothing of my purposes except that I was his angel. Still I hesitated, the fist that was poised to knock at his doorway, began shaking uncontrollably, and I had to tamp down a bubble of hysterical laughter! I was a kunoichi! What was there to be afraid of? But my duties as an angel had been drilled into me, and they were harder to break then any manmade chain ever forged. They nearly won out. I gave a small, disappointed sigh and started to turn away when the door opened. _

_I whipped around and my breath caught in my throat, he was shirtless and wounded but still beautiful, like some ancient sun god from faraway shores. At that moment I would have gladly exchanged one god for another, but then again, I wondered, who is to say I can't serve both? _

_He gave me a quizzical look, "May I come in Deidara-san?" I asked so quietly, he had to ask me to repeat myself. When I did, he was stunned at my request but beckoned me inside anyways. I stood there, repressing the urge to nervously twiddle my fingers. I didn't know what to say now. He waited impatiently for me to speak, and I wanted to shriek in frustration. My eyes darted nervously back and forth, and I suddenly wanted to flee the room. I couldn't even look at him, I was sure he would reject me just because of who I was. "Konan-san?" He said. It was then that I steeled my resolve, even if this golden god rejected me-I kissed him fiercely, and I could feel him tense in shock before he pulled us apart. Both of us gasping for breath. Hurt must have shown on my face before I put my mask back on, and I turned to leave without apology or explanation for my actions. Because suddenly Deidara stepped in front of me and kissed me again. _

_His hands strayed to loose my hair, and it fell long and flowing, mid-back. My hands traveled to his chest, and I ran my fingers down his hard stomach tentatively. Still kissing him, I gently pushed him down on his bed, and removed my cloak, feeling nervous and secretly gleeful that I had chosen to wear nothing under it tonight. Deidara gazed at me appreciatively as I bent over him, his arms wrapped around me and took my nipple in his mouth. I gasped a little at the long-forgotten sensations, my lips parted as I licked my lips suggestively. I bent my head down and bit his neck lightly, causing him to arch his back. I hadn't even realized that his hand had traveled south until I felt his wriggling tongue licking at my clit, the sensation was sharp and sweet and tingling while the mouth lapped thirstily as I came. He smiled at me, and moved to my other breast. I could feel his cock brushing against my bare stomach, hard and throbbing and hot. His other hand stroking my hair, I could feel him wanting to take control, and I hesitated for a moment. It was only natural for a god to want to take control of their angel, but…_

_He looked up at me when I stopped, his brow furrowing in confusion, and that's when I knew. I was tired of submitting to gods! Tonight the angel would dominate and he would go down with barely a whimper. I kissed him harder and he moaned into my mouth, his tongue thrusting deeply into me. I had another orgasm, showering his hand like droplets of rain, easing myself onto him I began pumping him, setting up a violent pace, communicating my wild desperation, telling him I needed him more then he needed me all without a single word. _

_His hands wrapped around my waist roughly, matching me stroke for stroke, thrusting harder into me every moment, he tried to flip me over at some point but I wouldn't let him, perhaps next time….perhaps next time. His eyes screwed shut with pleasure, and I slowed down the tempo, I didn't want him to come just yet, he was surprised when he slid out of me, and I bent my head down, swirling my barbell up and down the underside of his cock. Teasing him, torturing him slowly. Kissing and nipping at his sensitive inner thighs, cupping his testicles in my hand, I began to rub them gently with one thumb, one finger straying purposefully underneath, I pressed against a sweet spot, and shuddering he came. His milky come dripping onto his stomach in a slow pit-pat-pattern, he stared at me in wonder as I got up and pulled my cloak back on. I smiled and put my finger on my lips with a small smile, and I was rewarded with his slow lazy smile that made me feel as if I'd been napping in hot sunshine. _

_We didn't see each other for months, my thoughts carefully guarded around Pein. I doubted he would have cared if I told him, but it fed that inner reckless girl inside to keep it a secret. A forbidden love affair, kept far away from prying eyes. But even I wasn't 100 sure what his reaction would be if he knew. My cousin was unpredictable, a rare tribute to being able to balance between what he is, and what he has become. After all, what might a god think if they knew their angel was with another god? It was hard to say. _

_We met again in a cave, our eyes flickered to each other in the space of a heartbeat. I wondered then if I had been nothing more but a one night stand to Deidara? If I meant nothing to him at all, his eyes told me everything I needed to know, and I was reassured. _

_We were soaring on his clay bird, Deidara and I. I was laughing, my long hair flying in his face, and relishing the feeling of the wind roaring past us. "Dammit woman un! I can't see!" He said hysterically, his shoulders shaking with mirth. _

"_Deidara?" I said, once his bird had slowed down, and we were now sailing lazily through an indigo star-strewn sky. He looked at me questioningly, "I know you can't understand why I stay with him." He frowned at the mention of Pein. "But if I could, if it wasn't so important-I-I would much rather be your angel instead." _

_Deidara was now glaring angrily, "Then why can't you un? What? You cheating on him or something?" He shouted accusingly. His words stung me, a reminder to never get to close to the sun lest I be burned. I flinched a little. "I'll let you in on a little secret Deidara." I said, "We're cousins and I've been his guardian since his birth." It wasn't far from the truth, I thought, and it was all I could tell him without revealing the true nature of our relationship. Deidara looked relieved, this was something he could at least understand. His arms wrapped around me, kissing my neck hungrily, but taking care not to leave a mark. I rubbed my hand absentmindedly on his cheek, lost in the sweet sensation of his soft lips. _

_It was a rare moment to be able to steal away from the Akatsuki, and an even rarer moment for me to steal away from Pein, as we ran through the forest hand-in-hand. I was taking him to a special place. It was a surprise for my secret lover. I blindfolded him with my eyes and whispered, "Do you trust me Deidara?" The warmth of his smile was his only response. I led him into a small opening and guided him through a little cave, when I removed my hands he was rendered speechless. We were in a cave, where a stream of weak sunlight shone through a small hole in the rock, and a rushing waterfall parted at the lip above, affording the onlooker a view of the forest animals unobserved. _

"_This place is amazing yeah!" He whispered in awe, his eyes greedily drinking in the gently gleaming crystals above, and the deer that were grazing peacefully along the banks of the pool. "Where did you find it un?" He asked. _

_I kissed him lovingly, glad to be able to share this with him, glad to be able to please him. _

"_I used to come here as a child." I told softly, the echoes of my voice bouncing oddly off the walls of the crystal cavern. _

_I had brought a lunch with us, and we ate in silence for a time, when suddenly a movement caught our eye. We both turned to the "window" and watched as the small herd of deer had been startled into flight, a tiger had come bounding out of the forest, killing it's prey with ease. Deidara was ecstatic as his hands began molding the magnificent predator, his face almost orgasmic as he shaped, and defined the rounded muscles, the bold stripes, the ruff around it's face, contorting into a chilling snarl. I had to force myself to keep from laughing out loud at his joy._

_When he was done he showed me his work. His eyes bright, and childlike, proud of what he had created, yet still seeking approval of others. "It's beautiful." I said spellbound, and wishing he wouldn't blow it up. He brought out a scroll, "I'm saving it for something special." He told me happily. "Besides, I don't want to have this cave crashing down on us." He told me with a cocky wink. _

_We watched the tiger until it had finished it's meal and slaked it's thirst before melting back into the shadows of the forest. Then we left as well._

_He brought the bird into hover mode, and began taking off his clothes, "Deidara what are you doing?" I asked, "Making love to you under the stars." He said. Well when he said it like that how could I resist? I sighed as I undressed, taking his cock in my hands, and stroking him, watching hungrily with half-lidded eyes as his pelvis thrust uncontrollably, I spread the pre-cum down his shaft, giving him lubrication, and feeling myself get wet as well. He slid two fingers inside me, his mouth suckling on my tender lips and clit, causing me to come at the dual sensations. He took advantage of my open mouth and kissed me tenderly, his eyes clouding with passion. He removed my hand and quickly replaced his hand with his hard throbbing cock, sliding inside of me. _

_Deidara I love you. I thought, but the words refused to come. We were ninja and missing criminals to boot, we had no leisure for love, though I suddenly wished it could be otherwise. But I'm a sensible woman, I knew that these things couldn't be, and I knew that I must take whatever happiness I could find, and I had to disengage from the past and enjoy the now. His hands slid down to my breasts as I sat on his lap, rocking back and forth slowly._

"_Uh! Unhhh! Konan-unnn!" He screamed to the night wind, uncaring of any consequences, or that we were both completely vulnerable as we answered the call to our primal instincts._

"_Deidara!" I shouted, rocking back and forth harder now, every movement bringing the both of us jolting pleasure, the full moon was rising behind us now, illuminating us for the whole world to see. _

_"Konan run away with me!" He begged me thrusting his hips harder._

_"Ohhh don't ask me that now Deidara!" I complained, squeezing my muscles around him every time I ground in, leaving him no room for coherent thought. Finally the artist collapsed in my arms, panting and weak. I smiled inwardly at the thought that I could bring a god to his knees. I sat cross-legged, while Deidara lay back in my lap, commanding his bird to fly on_

"_Will you run away with me?" He begged again, once his breathing had slowed, and his heart stopped pounding erratically against my palm. _

_"I-can't." I whispered, silently cursing him for ruining this special moment. I could feel anger radiating through his body, and I squeezed my eyes shut painfully, forcing back the tears that threatened to overtake me. I set my mask back into place and whispered in his ear, "But I can set you free from Akatsuki if you desire!" Deidara was surprised to hear this, _

_"How?" He demanded. I whispered in his ear. "You'd do that for me?" I swallowed hard. I didn't want to let Deidara go, he kept me in touch with the real me. But I remembered the old saying, "If you love something set it free…"_

_Deidara was dead, at least that's what they told me. I knew better, I knew he was alive and well, and as free as a bird on the wind. I had set my mask in place, revealing nothing. But inside my heart soared with him, as the rain fell in heavy sheets. I allowed myself the briefest of smiles as I walked away, wondering if we would ever meet again in the lifetime._

_He came to me in my dreams while I was recovering from a battle, I opened my eyes and saw him standing over me in my room. He kissed me softly, "Konan," he whispered run away with me." He begged. _

_I smiled at him, "I'd love too." I whispered, "Because this is only a dream Deidara." He looked hurt, but when the morning sunlight beat on my eyelids, I woke up to find a pendant, an exact replica of the tiger we had seen in the cave strung along a silver chain. It had all been real. I realized, but as much as I wanted to spread my wings and fly freely, I couldn't abandon my post. For the first time in years I cried. I knew Deidara was out there somewhere waiting for me. I sent a note on a flittering butterfly, to be free. I was releasing him again-but this time from me._

_Months later, I too had "died" when Akatsuki fell. He was waiting for me, he had matured a little in looks, but he was still the golden sun god I knew and loved. We were finally free._

_Fini _


End file.
